Renegotiating a Sacred Contract

Renegotiating a Sacred Contract

When you are in a relationship with someone and it isn’t working, there are two choices.  The first choice is that you can bless the other person and release them, or you can try to work out the situations that are causing the relationship to not work on.  You have to agree on which way to go but when you learn that your relationship is a sacred contract, you will learn that if you change the terms then you might be able to make the relationship work.

This process can be hard and can change the way that your experience things in your life.  This can save your relationship.

Renegotiating a Contract

The first thing you have to do is take a moment to be silent and to figure out what is going on inside of you.  Tap into who you are and who your loved one is and allow yourselves to be the best you can be.  You must try to hold yourself and each other at a higher standard.  Communicate your messages to each other and have a conversation that will bring out an income.

Talk to Each Other

The best way to stop being unhappy is to admit that you are unhappy and try to have compassion with each other.  When you admit that you are different, you will see that having compassion and being thankful is better and that you have to stop blaming each other and being defensive.

Safe Zone

When you are unhappy, you have to be clear that you are not going to be mean to each other and that you are going to have a conversation with respect and love.


Make sure you set intentions and that you know what you want to achieve.  You are the one that is in the mess and you need to create a way out.


Let your loved one know how much you love them.  Even when relationships are hard, you have to know that each person will feel some type of frustration and anger and you have to learn to get over these feelings.  It is important to be thankful for each other.

Figure Out What Works

Figure out what you both want and have clear ideas for the new contract.

Own It

Have you taken the relationship and broken it down to what your responsibilities are?  Learn to take responsibility for your actions instead of being a victim.  Take your part and realize where your mistakes are.  This will help to bring healing.


Be willing to talk about uncomfortable things such as what you are unhappy with.  Even if things are painful, you will need to face it.  Face what you are feeling and point out what makes you unhappy with your loved one.  Learn to speak without being mean or violent with each other.


Come up with solutions to fix the situation.  Learn to compromise with each other and remember that you are not making demands bu you are suggestion in how you can fix the relationship.

Brainstorm ideas so that you can put them in your sacred contract.


If you feel that it is necessary to heal, you should go to therapy and see if your loved one is willing to go with you.  Be compassionate and honest most of all.

Being Present

If you need to take a break, allow your loved one to have a break as well.  You might need to step back and reevaluate your relationship.  Do this without pressuring each other but also be reassuring and learn to negotiate without being afraid.


Do not take control of the relationship.  A healthy relationship is when both sides are important and both sides are able to say what they are feeling.

Rewrite It

After you get new terms, write it down.  Allow yourself permission to keep changing the contract as new thoughts come up.  Print it out and sign it so that it can be official.

Celebrate Each Other

After this, if your relationship survives, celebrate with each other.  This can be such a relief just to talk about what was wrong and it will make you feel lighter and happy with each other.

What If it Goes Bad?

If the contract is not negotiable, then chances are its time for you to realize if you need to leave the relationship or not.  If you have a marriage or you are fighting with your best friend, get counseling to see if it will help.  Learn to bless each other and if you cannot work it out, say goodbye and move on with compassion.

Know for sure that you love each other when you try to work it out but if you cannot, leave with grace and thank them for being a part of your life.  Loving someone can be the greatest thing but sometimes it is the hardest thing to let go of.  Learn to love each other even if you cannot be together with them.


Some people have to renegotiate their sacred contract with a friend or a partner.  When this happens, learn to be happy with the results.  If you can work it out, learn to be happy but if you cannot, leave with dignity and blessing and learn to have a happy life wherever it takes you.